


Such a wonderful world

by AliaMael



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: At some point Joshua waltzed into the fic and decided to stay, But in case it wasn't clear enough this is queerplatonic Sanae-Megumi, Comfort, Gen, Hopeful Ending, How do we tag for queerplatonic relationships I have no idea, I mean it's TWEWY, Meltdown, Mention of Death, Other, Panic Attacks, Slice of Life, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25258912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliaMael/pseuds/AliaMael
Summary: Sanae may seem well-adjusted, if a bit eccentric, but some days are still harder than others.Megumi may seem coldly efficient, too much even, but he's still human.Maybe they both need to expand their world.
Relationships: Hanekoma Sanae & Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya, Hanekoma Sanae & Kitaniji Megumi, Hanekoma Sanae/Kitaniji Megumi (queerplatonic), Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya & Kitaniji Megumi, queerplatonic - Relationship
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

It's been years now, but Sanae is still not used to this… body. Angels are not like this. This isn't… him. Except that now, it is. It's weird. It doesn't _fit_ perfectly like a body should. It tries to be too many things at once. Human, and yet not quite. Alive, and yet not quite. His, and yet…

Some days –most of the time to be honest– Sanae manages to forget about it. He just does what needs to be done or, when his tasks are over, what he wants to do, and there is _so much_ to create and feel and inspire in Shibuya alone that it's easy to drown in it.

And yet.

And yet, some days find Sanae slumped against a wall, eyes closed, trying to convince his hyperventilating, traitorous body that _everything is alright_ and it can stop overreacting. Yes, it feels like there is a delay in every one of his moves, and no he's not drunk. That's still not a reason to make it so much more difficult that it needs to be. He's dizzy. The world insists on spinning. His legs feel like jelly.

His hands are shaking, but it feels more like his whole skeleton is trying to vibrate his way out of him.

The only silver lining in this whole mess is that he's in the UG so no one sees him making a spectacle of himself.

"Are you alright?"

… _almost_ no one.

He knows this voice. He just can't concentrate enough to _remember_ right now. He can't answer either, too busy trying to get some air into his lungs –he's dead enough to be in the UG, but still alive enough to need to _breathe_ , and that paradox _does not help_.

"It's alright," the voice goes on, way closer now. "You're safe, just focus on breathing."

Sanae tries. He really does. It's just… too much. For no reason at all. Then there are hands on him and he would recoil from the touch if he could but no, he… Oh. The not-a-stranger-but-he-still-can't-recall-who-it-is just caught him because his legs decided to stop working. Perfect. Really perfect.

He now has to fight against tears of humiliation.

"It's ok… Everything's alright, just listen to my voice. You don't need to think to anything else right now. Just breathe. In, and out. In, and out. That's it. You're doing well."

The voice continues, soothing, gentle, and Sanae's shame slowly melts away. It feels… nice.

_Safe._

When he eventually comes back to his senses, he doesn't immediately open his eyes. He goes on breathing with the rhythm the voice coaxes out of him and tries to assess the situation. At some point his helper guided him to sit down; the hands are still holding his shoulders, probably to prevent him from falling totally, but instead of an invasion of personal space it feels anchoring.

And then, he suddenly recognizes the voice.

Opening his eyes only confirm what he already knew. It's Kitaniji. The Conductor. Probably the one person in the UG he has the less chances to fool with lies if he's asked who he is or any of the logical questions Kitaniji just _must_ have regarding his presence here.

Sanae tenses (and somewhere deep in his chest in heart wants to beat faster, faster, because he doesn't know what to do, doesn't know what to say, doesn't want to shatter the illusion of peace but it's already too late and…)

"Felling better?" Kitaniji asks.

Sanae only nods, not trusting his voice. Kitaniji fixes him and Sanae _hates_ that his eyes are hidden behind opaque sunglasses. He doesn't know what Kitaniji is thinking, doesn't have _clues_ to piece together…

"Take all the time you need. If you want me to leave you just have to ask, but until then I'm not going anywhere."

The wave of relief following Kitaniji's words takes Sanae by surprise. He should want him gone. He should… but he doesn't. He wants his voice and his hands grounding him into reality (making him feel _safe_ ).

Sanae knows this can't last forever. He's not in his right mind anyway. He wouldn't react like that in any other circumstances.

But then, neither would Kitaniji.

Sanae's been observing from the sidelines since he's been assigned to Shibuya. Nobody knows him (well, _almost_ nobody) but he prides himself on knowing everyone. Kitaniji is not a bad man, he's not cruel, but he's never shown _kindness_ when Sanae was spying on him. Nothing he did ever hinted at the way he can hold without trapping, at the calm patience he's exhibited in his endless soothing words, at the way he's looking at Sanae with no hint of judgment nor expectation.

Kitaniji had always seemed distant. Cold, even. Now there's nothing distant in the warmth of his hands through the cloth of Sanae's shirt.

Sanae mentally kicks himself. Alright, Kitaniji is able of basic compassion, it's not that big a deal. Sanae should just leave as fast as possible, disappear before exhaustion pushes him to close his eyes again and just enjoy that weird, _absurd_ feeling that Kitaniji would be there to catch him.

Also, he has no way to explain his presence in the UG and would rather avoid questions. If that's still an option.

So Sanae forces himself to sit a bit straighter and plasters a fake smile on his face. Kitaniji slowly releases him; Sanae is _not_ disappointed.

"Thanks," Sanae says.  
"You're welcome."

It's mechanical, devoid of any feeling. Sanae clenches his jaw. He's not starved for human contact. He _cannot_ afford it. Not with who and what he is.

He tries standing up on wobbly legs, deliberately ignoring the hand Kitaniji offers him to use the wall as support instead. He faces the Conductor and has exactly two seconds of hope that maybe, just maybe he will be able to get away like that.

"Who are you?" Kitaniji asks.

Well, no such luck.

"Name's Sanae Hanekoma, but you can call me Mister H," he answers more by reflex than actual thought.  
"And what are you doing here?"  
"I'm just… living here," Sanae tries, still wondering how he can get out of this interrogation session.

Kitaniji throws him a decidedly unimpressed look.

"No one _just_ lives in the UG."  
"Well, _I_ do."

There's a silence. Sanae is way too aware of how much he's still leaning on the wall. He thinks for an instant that he could try to scan Kitaniji but dismisses it. The Conductor would feel it.

"Since when are you here, then?"  
"It's been a while," Sanae admits.  
"Why didn't I see you earlier?"  
"I've been keeping quiet. Didn't want to disrupt anything. Plus it seemed like a perfect recipe for a mess."

Kitaniji still doesn't seem completely convinced, but he nods.

"Does anyone know you're there?" he asks next.

Sanae hesitates, but only for a second.

"The Composer knows."

 _That_ puts a visible reaction on Kitaniji's face: surprise. He gets himself back under control fast, though.

"If I were to ask Him, He would confirm your story, then?"  
"Yeah."

Well, Joshua would at least confirm that he's aware of Sanae's presence. Who knows what _else_ he would say?

Some days, Sanae could swear that the brat is putting actual effort into breaking everyone's expectations, just because he _can_. But that's probably part of what makes Shibuya so vibrant, so he can't really complain.

"Are you able to get back to wherever you live without falling over?" Kitaniji asks.  
"Yeah. … probably."

Kitaniji sighs.

"Do you want help?"

Sanae very much wants to have Kitaniji touching him again, and so he refuses. Kitaniji stares at him for one or two more seconds, then turns on his heels and fades back into Shibuya's crowd without another word.

Sanae slowly goes home, where he curls up in his bed with a mug of coffee and a sketchpad, and if his drawings end up picturing a lot more people than his usual abstract style no one has to know.

And that could be the end of it. It _should_ be the end of it, even, except that Sanae can't stop thinking of how _nice_ it was to… to… He's not sure what exactly caught his attention and is now refusing to let go. Not being alone during one of his _stupid_ crises? Getting kind words? Kind touches? He doesn't especially like Kitaniji so it cannot be the fact that it was _him_.

Or, well. He _did not_ especially like Kitaniji before that, but now he's at the very least curious. He can lie to himself all he wants and pretend it's just because he doesn't want to be surprised like that again, it doesn't change the truth.

So the truth is: Sanae didn't think Kitaniji would deliberately step away from the impersonal attitude he uses for his work as Conductor, and now he wants to see more of the _person_ Kitaniji actually is.

So it's no surprise when Sanae "accidentally" let Kitaniji catch him looking. What's surprising is the intense desire to fake weakness and let Kitaniji fuss over him.

So OK, Sanae definitely has a problem.

After that, Sanae hides in WildKat for two weeks. 

It's lonely.


	2. Chapter 2

WildKat is empty of customers like most of the time. Sanae is behind the counter, perched on a high stool, sketching something distractedly, when the door opens. He looks up and immediately tenses. It's Kitaniji, and from the assured way he's strolling in he's not here due to chance.

"Have you been looking for me?" Sanae asks, trying to sound teasing and probably failing by a kilometer or ten.

Kitaniji shrugs.

"You left me with the impression you fled last time we met. I wanted to know why."  
"Still doesn't explain how you found me," Sanae points out.  
"I just asked."

Sanae blinks.

"What."  
"The Composer," Kitaniji develops. "You told me He knew about you. So I asked. He told me to come here if I wanted to catch you."

Sanae can't imagine Kitaniji casually chatting with Joshua, and so he's stuck between elated and a bit afraid that said conversation apparently happened anyway.

"So. Why did you run away like that?"  
"I did not _run_."  
"Semantics."

Sanae slowly puts his sketchpad on the counter, buying himself a bit of time. He can't help but keep his eyes down.

"… you confuse me," he finally admits.  
"Confuse? Why?"

Sanae almost ( _almost_ ) laughs, because now it's Kitaniji who sounds confused. It helps to defuse the tension in the room.

"I just didn't think you were the kind of person to stop to help a weirdo like me," Sanae says, maybe a bit more honest than planned.  
"Should I feel insulted that you thought me heartless or worried that you think so little of yourself?"

And OK, that's a fair question. Sanae is now forced to confront the fact that, yes, he does look down on himself because of all these times he gets overwhelmed by _existence_.

In the growing silence, Kitaniji sits down in front of Sanae.

"The Composer seemed to find endlessly entertaining the fact that I knew of your presence," Kitaniji goes on after a while. "While He didn't say anything more about you, He kind of encouraged me to investigate you."  
"Is that what it is, then? An investigation?"  
"I won't force you to answer anything making you uncomfortable."

Sanae laughs then, nervous and joyless.

"The whole situation is making me uncomfortable. Try again."  
"Why? I mean," Kitaniji immediately amends, "if you want me to leave, you just have to ask. But I'd like to understand at the very least if I should avoid you in the future or not."

The thing is, Sanae still doesn't know what he wants.

"… why do you care?" he eventually asks.

Kitaniji doesn't answer immediately and that finally prompts Sanae to look up from the counter. Kitaniji seems lost in thought, head slightly tilted to the side.

"I usually _can't_ care," he answers after a while. "People in the RG are too far away, Players are my work, Reapers are my subordinates and the Composer is… well, He's Himself. I cannot _humanly_ care for Him. You're outside of all this, though."

Sanae buries deep the fact that he's even less human than Joshua. He _likes_ being special in Kitaniji's eyes and _gosh dammit_ he's really too far gone isn't he?

Pathetic.

"I realize I'm putting an unfair amount of pressure on your shoulders," Kitaniji goes on, apparently unaware of Sanae's inner turmoil. "I shouldn't have sought you out. Please, forgive my intrusion."

Wait, what?

Kitaniji stands up and turns toward the door and _he can't be leaving, right?_

"Wait!"

Kitaniji freezes, then looks back at Sanae over his shoulder.

"I thought I was making you uncomfortable?"  
"I…"  
"You don't have to lie to preserve me."  
"You're lonely," Sanae blurts out.

Kitaniji visibly tenses, then sighs.

"And that's not your problem to solve."  
"I'm lonely too."

Sanae dearly hopes he's not making a terrible mistake, but he doesn't want Kitaniji to just disappear from his life like this.

"You're only making me uncomfortable because I'm not used to having anyone around," he admits. "I… I don't know how to react."  
"You're a _barista_ and you're not used to people?"  
"It's not the same. You're always around Players and Reapers too and you said yourself that I was different."  
"… touché."

There's an awkward silence.

"So… come back here and tell me how you like your coffee?" Sanae tentatively says.

It's very faint, but Kitaniji smiles, and the tension melts away from Sanae.


	3. Chapter 3

After that, Megumi becomes a common fixture in WildKat. It's awkward and exhilarating. Their discussions are clumsy as they both learn or relearn how to interact with someone outside of their work. Sanae can't help but try to manufacture "accidental" touches when he hands him his coffee, and Megumi never calls him out on it.

Maybe they both want something they don't know how to ask for.

For the first time since he's been assigned to Shibuya, Sanae finds himself thinking that maybe a meltdown would not be a curse but a blessing in disguise. Then he despises himself for wishing for such a thing because he's too afraid to just talk.

It's when he's brooding and berating himself that Megumi takes him by surprise. Lost half in his thoughts and half in his drawing, Sanae doesn't even hear WildKat's door open, and he jumps when Megumi places a hand on his shoulder to lean over him and look at his sketchpad. 

"Relax, it's just me," Megumi says.

Sanae can't concentrate enough to answer. All his mind is focused on the warmth of Megumi's hand. He wants to melt into him.

"Wait, what are you drawing?"  
"… uh?"

Even to his own ears, his voice seems to come from far away.

"Are you alright?"

Sanae cannot answer. He doesn't know.

"Sanae." Megumi's voice is firm, calm laced with steel. "I want you to answer me. Can you do that?"

It's an effort to force sound out.

"… yes."  
"How do you feel?"

It's easiest now to just let the words flow out without trying to think them out.

"I don't know."  
"Do you need me to leave?"  
"No."  
"… do you want me here?"  
"Yes."

Megumi gently maneuvers Sanae until he can sit down on the couch next to him, never letting go. Sanae feels distant, like he's not _really_ inhabiting his body and… oh. He knows this feeling of being unanchored in the physical, but it's usually… different. He feels a lot calmer, for starters.

But then, Megumi is _here_. Why would he feel bad?

Megumi puts an arm around Sanae's shoulders and holds him close. Sanae feels like purring.

"Is this alright?" Megumi asks.  
"Yes," is the only answer Sanae can give, really.

He closes his eyes and, impossibly, falls asleep.

He wakes up completely disoriented. He doesn't know where he is, how to deal with that sluggishness in his whole body…

"Feeling better?"  
"Wha… what…" Sanae stops, tries again. "What happened?"  
"You took a nap." Megumi sounds amused, or fond. Or both. "I was a bit surprised but I guess you needed it."  
"I never sleep," Sanae blurts out.

A beat.

"I'm sorry?" Megumi says.

Damn. That was definitely not something a _human_ should do, and Sanae is still clinging to the lie that he's as normal as possible when living in the UG. But it's true. His mismatched body needs oxygen but never needed sleep before. That's only part of the reason why he often roams the streets at night, but it _is_ a factor nevertheless.

"Sanae, what do you mean?" Megumi insists.  
"I… I have insomnia?" he tries.

Megumi sighs.

"Next time you lie to me, try to at least sound marginally convinced by what you say."

Sanae gulps. He doesn't want to lose Megumi but he's unsure what will make him run away faster. Truth or lies? Angel way too human to function or human way too distorted by the UG?

Megumi gently runs his fingers through Sanae's hair and Sanae honest to god _whimpers_. Megumi has the gall to chuckle.

"Do you want to lie to me about being CAT too or am I allowed to know that about you?" he asks conversationally.

That's totally unfair. Sanae is stuck between the urge to freeze, tense, retreat to face this accusation, and the _need_ to stay where he is, slumped against Megumi, cuddled, petted. He can't _think_ like this.

"Megumi…" Sanae whines.  
"What's wrong?" is the immediate, concerned answer.  
"I… I don't…"

Sanae curls up a bit closer to Megumi and grips his shirt.

"Please, don't leave…" he whispers.  
"I don't plan to," Megumi soothes. "Relax."  
"But you want answers…"  
"I'd _prefer_ answers, but I won't leave if you feel you can't talk to me. I'll just…"

Megumi cuts himself.

"Just what?"  
"Nothing."  
"Who's lying now?"

Megumi's fingers briefly pull at Sanae's hair, not enough to hurt but enough to make a point.

"I'll just feel _sad_ that you don't trust me, alright?" Megumi finally admits, tone defensive.

Oh.

"I do trust you," Sanae protests.  
"Then why are you hiding so much from me?"

Sanae tries to find the right words, but Megumi goes on before he manages.

"I'm sorry, I have no right to demand answers. It's your life, I… Forget I said anything, alright?"  
"I'm hurting you."  
"You're not. It's only my fault."  
"I am the one keeping everything under wraps, don't tell yourself you're responsible for my choices!"

The comfortable mood has totally dissipated by now. Megumi is tense. Sanae is worried. He should have done something earlier, but he's _not_ going to mess up now. Not again.

So Sanae straighten up to look Megumi in the eyes, or at least as much as possible with these damn sunglasses. Megumi's hand falls down on his lap; Sanae mourns his caress but forges on.

"Megumi. I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was hurting you. I… I'm not supposed to have _anyone_ simply knowing I _exist_ besides the Composer. But once you knew I should have explained more. I–"  
"Are you sure you want to tell me?" Megumi cuts him.  
"Of course I am! You're…"  
"I'm what?"  
"You're important to me."

Megumi opens his mouth, closes it. Sanae thinks he can see a very faint blush on his cheeks.

"You're my first friend since…" Megumi begins.

He trails off, but he doesn't need to finish his sentence for Sanae to understand. Since he died and became a Reaper. Which… makes Sanae sad for him, but also part proud and part intimidated that it's _him_ who's changing that.

He wants to be enough. He wants to _deserve_ that level of trust.

Of course, that's when he realizes he _can't_ be totally honest with him. Explaining about his angelic nature and his role as Producer? Sure way to get into trouble with the Higher Ups. And he wouldn't mind so much if that didn't mean having to leave Shibuya.

He doesn't want to lie to Megumi, but he doesn't want to abandon him either.

"OK. I… there are things I _can't_ tell you," Sanae begins, searching for the right words. "I'm not _allowed_ to. I… hope what I _can_ explain will be enough. And I'm sorry I didn't say anything way before now."  
"You don't have to–"  
"I want to."  
"I was going to say you don't have to be sorry," Megumi corrects him. "You have orders, you shouldn't blame yourself for following them."

Sanae shrugs, looks away.

"Anyway… I… Technically I don't… exactly _belong_ in the UG. I live here, but it's not my natural frequency. And so my body sometimes…"  
"Reacts weirdly?" Megumi suggests.

Sanae laughs.

"Yeah, that's a way to put it. Sometimes everything gets overwhelming, it feels like my body doesn't _fit_ … You help with that by the way."  
"I do?"

Megumi sounds surprised. Sanae looks back at him and yeah, he looks the part too. Shocked and vulnerable, even. Like he's having a hard time believing him.

"Of course you do. You anchor me. You help keep the panic at bay. You… you make everything feel right again."

This time, Megumi's blush is more pronounced.

"… I'm glad I can help."

Sanae hesitates, then slumps back against Megumi, letting his head rest on his friend's shoulder. Megumi tenses for a fraction of a second, probably more surprised than anything else, but when he starts out of it it's to immediately put an arm around Sanae's waist and hold him close. Sanae lets out a small sight of ease.

"And yeah, I was lying about insomnia earlier," he admits. "Well, unless you count 'body never asks for sleep _ever_ ' as a form of insomnia."  
"That's not what I usually use the word for, no."  
"Figured."  
"But then why did you fall asleep earlier?"  
"Honestly? No idea," Sanae admits. "That's why I was so confused by it. Guess I should blame you for chasing away even the stress I'm not conscious I have."

There's a brief silence.

"Do you really need to throw that many compliments at me?" Megumi asks.  
"Well, you deserve them, so why not?"  
"… you're impossible."

Sanae has to laugh. It's comfortable, cuddling with Megumi and teasing him with kindness.

"And so, to answer your earlier question," Sanae eventually adds, "the CAT is indeed out of the bag now."

Megumi groans.

"That was an awful pun Sanae."  
"Hey, I don't often get the occasion to make this one! I had to jump on it!"  
"So you're CAT. I guess it explains quite a lot actually."  
"Oh?"  
"How it's possible for CAT to tag pieces so big without ever being seen. Way easier from the UG, hmm? Same thing for hiding your identity for so long."  
"You totally have a point."

Sanae then realizes something.

"Wait, how did you understand that I was CAT?"  
"I recognized your style in the sketch you were working on when I came in."  
"Seriously?"  
"Yes, seriously. Is that so difficult to believe?"  
"I… I'm surprised you're familiar enough with CAT's art to recognize the style from just an unfinished sketch," Sanae admits.

Megumi hums.

"I always found something in their art… in _your_ art," he corrects himself, "that was calling to me."  
"… actually I'm a bit stupid for being surprised. It only makes sense."  
"Uh?"  
"Well… I _might_ have Imprints hidden in my tags… They call to those with a strong Imagination, so of course you would be affected. You're one of the most powerful persons in Shibuya."

Megumi lets out an embarrassed noise and hides his face in Sanae's hair.

"Would you stop with the unwarranted compliments?" he complains.  
"I gave no _unwarranted_ compliment," Sanae points out. "Not used to getting kind words?"  
"Of course not! The most I get is a 'good work Megumi' from the Composer once in a blue moon, and it's about _work_ , it doesn't feel the same…"

The wave of protectiveness that submerges Sanae is unexpected, but not surprising at this point.

"Well, I'll have to rectify that, my friend."

Megumi only hugs him a bit tighter, but that doesn't make his message less clear.

Amusingly enough, it's Megumi who dozes off after that, leaving Sanae to appreciate the easy contact and ponder their relationship. They're friends, they both said it, but still… Sanae considers Joshua a friend too, and it doesn't feel the same.

Well. If there's a word for what they have, Sanae doesn't know it, so 'friends' will have to do. Not that it's a bad word, anyway. Sanae feels so lucky that Megumi sees him as a friend. He's a bit confused about how his life brought him this, but he's far from complaining.

For the first time since he's in Shibuya, he feels not just content, but actually happy.


	4. Chapter 4

As it turns out, it's Megumi who has actual, legit insomnia. It takes a while for Sanae to figure it out, but having Megumi watch him working on a big mural for five consecutive nights makes it kinda obvious.

"What are you doing when I'm not out there playing with paint?" Sanae asks while checking his preparatory drawing.  
"Not much. It gets hard to concentrate after a while. I mostly listen to music and try not to get too frustrated."  
"You could come to WildKat you know."

Sanae's way more concentrated on his tag than on the conversation so it's only a few minutes later that he realizes Megumi never answered.

"Megs?"  
"You really would not mind?"

Sanae pauses what he's doing to throw a glance at Megumi. It might be the exhaustion, but he looks decidedly uncertain and shy.

"Of course I wouldn't mind. I don't sleep anyway, remember? And I always enjoy spending time with you, so yeah, seriously, come whenever. I'll gladly keep you company."  
"… thanks."

Megumi's voice is very small. Sanae's definitely not a specialist of human physiology but he's ready to bet that Megumi is at the end of his rope.

Well. The wall will still be there tomorrow.

Sanae puts his paint back in his bag and swings it over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Megumi asks.  
"I'm taking you home before you just fall over."  
"I'm alright," Megumi protests. "Really!" he adds when Sanae throws him a totally unimpressed look. "You don't need to stop what you're doing for me, I just wanted some company!"  
"And you're getting it, just in a bed instead of the street. … that sounded weird."

Megumi's laugh lasts too long for the actual level of the joke, which only comforts Sanae in his decision to get him inside and force him to rest at least a bit. He grabs Megumi's arm and pulls him toward Cat Street. Megumi doesn't resist nor protest anymore. After a while he leans against Sanae.

"Are you cold?" Sanae asks.  
"No. Why?"  
"You're shivering," Sanae points out.  
"Oh. Just tired. Very tired."

No kidding. When, back at the café, Sanae manages to make Megumi lie down despite his protests (he's only victorious because he lies down with him to be honest), Megumi is asleep in less than twenty seconds. Sanae doesn't know if it's only because exhaustion finally outweighted insomnia or if his presence helped, but he'll take it anyway.

When Megumi wakes up eleven hours later, he's all embarrassed, which is frankly adorable. So Sanae tells him that, which only makes Megumi hit him with a pillow.

It feels like home.

In the following weeks, Megumi starts stopping by at any possible hour. It's now ingrained habit to slide over to allow him to sit down next to Sanae. They cuddle, and sometimes they chat, sometimes they share comfortable silence, sometimes Megumi even falls asleep. It's deliciously domestic, in a way Sanae never thought possible.

So of course at some point Joshua visits him when Megumi is there. With the amount of time Megumi spends at WildKat, it was kinda inevitable, really.

Which doesn't mean it doesn't take them by surprise.

As usual, Joshua has no respect for the concept of doors, so he just materializes in the café, already talking.

"Sanae, I–"

Sanae is way too used to this to do anything else than looking up at Joshua, but Megumi jumps and goes rigid against him. There's a silence. Joshua stares, then begins smiling.

"J," Sanae tries to preempt him.

No such luck.

"My, how adorable," Joshua comments. "Didn't think you two would get so, hmm, _close_ …"

He giggles. Megumi hurries to slide away from Sanae, visibly mortified.

"Sir," he greets, tension obvious even in such a short word.  
"Don't let him get to you, Megs, you didn't do anything wrong…" Sanae tries to reassure him.  
"I, I should just go," Megumi stammers, getting up without looking at Sanae nor Joshua.  
"Why, Megumi?" Joshua asks, smirking. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"  
"I wouldn't dare bother you while you talk with Sanae, Sir," Megumi answers, slowly getting his composure back.

He tries to dart out of WildKat, but Joshua casually steps in his path.

"Why such a hurry? Are you two plotting behind my back?"  
"Sir, I would never…!"  
"For fuck's sake Josh just let him go if he wants to!" Sanae cuts. "Why are you needling him like that anyway? Are you mad because we dared having a friend who's not you or what?!"

Joshua's expression falters for only a brief instant, but it's enough. Sanae groans.

"Seriously? You're jealous?"  
"Of course not Sanae, that's nonsense."

In the corner of his eyes, Sanae can see Megumi trying to stay composed despite the decidedly unprofessional turn of the conversation. He's doing a good job at it, but his unease still shines through.

"Yeah, nonsense. Of course," Sanae mutters. "Anyway, what did you want?"  
"I was just dropping in for a _friendly_ chat, but I can see I'm not welcome."  
"Sir–"

Sanae knows Joshua well enough to anticipate his reaction, so he gets up precipitately to grab his arm before he teleports out. Megumi gasps.

"What are you doing?" Joshua asks Sanae, pouting.  
"Preventing you from exiting the discussion before we're done," Sanae answers before glancing at Megumi. "What's wrong?"

Megumi is staring at Sanae's grip around Joshua's wrist, eyes wide with shock.

"Megs?" Sanae insists when he gets no answer.  
"You… I thought it would hurt to touch someone with such a higher frequency," Megumi eventually says.

There are many things Sanae could answer. That Joshua isn't really of a much higher frequency than Sanae, even if Sanae _is_ completely tuned down to the UG, unlike Joshua who appears… blurry, and openly otherworldly. That Joshua would probably tune down rather than hurt Megumi if he were to somehow touch him for whatever reason. That the difference wouldn't hurt anyway, merely make it difficult to actually touch the other. But he can't choose what would avoid endangering his half-truths fast enough to react before Joshua.

"So worried for dear Sanae, hmm?"

Joshua shakes off Sanae's grip and goes to sit down on a bar stool, legs elegantly crossed.

"You want me to stay, alright. What should we talk about I wonder… Oh, maybe how the two of you got involved?"  
"Josh…" Sanae sighs. "The fact that Megumi and I are friends doesn't change the fact that you're my friend too. Nor whatever relationship you have with him."

Megumi creeps closer to Sanae and glances down at his hand. Sanae lifts it to showcase the total absence of damage.

"Well, Megumi never struck me as the overprotective type, and yet here we are," Joshua says, falsely casual. "I can only wonder what else you hid from me."  
"Why would I be protective of you, Sir?" Megumi asks in genuine confusion. "You're the Composer. Nothing in Shibuya can hurt you."

Joshua blinks, taken aback.

"You… You really think that."  
"… yes?"

There's a silence. Sanae decides that the situation will probably not explode in the next minutes and passes behind the counter to make some coffee. Joshua goes on staring at Megumi, who's bravely trying to not look away.

"No two persons are alike," Sanae eventually intervenes. "And these differences affect the shapes the relationships take. You can never see every facet of someone by yourself, and that doesn't mean they're hiding things from you."

Joshua finally turns away from Megumi to glare at Sanae instead.

"I'm not a Player, I don't need your words of wisdom."  
"Well, apparently you _do_ ," Sanae counters, "given that you expected Megumi to act the same way around you and me."

Joshua decides to sulk, not that Sanae expected something else. He puts a cup of his favorite coffee in front of him as a peace offering.

While Joshua pouts into his cup, Sanae looks at Megumi who's still stuck in place, staring bewildered at Joshua's back. Seems like everyone needs a bit of recalibration time.

"Megs, sit down," Sanae advises.

Tentatively, Megumi takes the stool farthest from Joshua. Sanae tries not to smile at that and fail; Megumi throws him an affronted look.

By the time Megumi and Sanae both have their coffee ready, Joshua is back to staring at them, cogs turning at the back of his eyes.

"Megumi, are you going to have an attack if I start bitching about the Reapers to Sanae?"  
"I… Sir…"  
"He's messing with you," Sanae says. "That's not the kind of discussion we usually have."  
"Why must you be such a spoilsport Sanae?" Joshua complains.  
" _That's_ more like our usual conversations," Sanae smiles.

Joshua turns to Megumi.

"Don't let him fool you into thinking I'm constantly criticizing him. I only judge his taste in coffee."  
"I… see," Megumi weakly answers.

Sanae puts his hand on top of Megumi's and gently squeezes, trying to reassure him. Joshua rises an eyebrow but doesn't comment.

A somewhat stilted discussion about Shibuya's latest trends begins after that, but Joshua leaves quickly. Megumi sinks down on the couch with a groan.

"You OK Megs?"  
"I… yes. I was not ready for this," Megumi admits. "I never even _imagined_ He could be… casual. I feel like I stepped into an alternate reality."  
"Nah, it doesn't feel like that," Sanae answers without thinking.

Fortunately, Megumi takes it as a joke.

Two days later, around 2am, Megumi is half asleep, curled up against Sanae who's sketching.

"Are you two living together?" Joshua asks out of nowhere, a bit crossed.

Megumi jerks awake and almost falls of the couch; Sanae grabs him at the last second.

"Hello to you too," Sanae says.  
"No but seriously, it's the middle of the night and Megumi's here?" Joshua insists.

Sanae sighs.

"If you two get married," Joshua adds, "I want an invitation."  
"What," Megumi says, brain still trying to catch up.  
"He's wondering if we're living together," Sanae repeats.  
"Oh."

Megumi looks at Sanae.

"Actually that's a good question. I'm always here anyway, so why are we _not_ living together?"

Sanae stares, shocked by Megumi's bluntness, especially in front of Joshua.

"You're still half asleep aren't you?"  
"… maybe."  
"We'll talk about this tomorrow," Sanae promises.  
"Here goes my hope to catch Sanae alone," Joshua sighs dramatically.

Sanae rolls his eyes, but his voice is fond when he talks to Megumi.

"Go to bed," he advises.

Megumi looks at him, then at Joshua, dubious, but doesn't protest. As soon as he's out of the room, Joshua sits down on the table in front of Sanae.

"So?" he asks.  
"So what, Josh? You'll need to be a bit more specific."  
"What's up with you two? 'Go to bed'? Really?"  
"Well, _I_ don't sleep, but _he_ does. Sometimes."

Joshua's fingers tap an angry rhythm on the table.

"That's not what I mean and you know it."  
"Actually, Josh, I'm not sure what kind of answer you're looking for. Megumi and I are friends. That's it."  
"I never saw you getting close to anyone like that. You're friendly with _everyone_ , but you _always_ keep people at arm's length in the end. So what's different with him?"

That's not what Sanae expected. It's a way more pertinent question.

"I… I'm not exactly sure to be honest. He… he thinks I'm outside of the whole Game thing, but at the same time I'm not some random guy from the RG who's unaware of everything that makes his life. I'm not a colleague, but I can understand him. That's something he usually doesn't get."

Joshua slightly tilts his head, his eyes not leaving Sanae.

"That's _his_ reasons, not _yours_ ," he points out.

Sanae has no answer to that.

"Sanae. You're all about that 'trust your partner' motto, but you're basing this friendship on a lie. Are you not worried?"  
" _Of course_ I'm worried!" Sanae exclaims. "But you know why I _can't_ say anything more! I just…"

He looks down, his hands clenching on the fabric of his pants.

"I know it's only an illusion, but it feels nice to have someone treating me as an _equal_."  
"Because I'm not?"

The tone is perfectly crafted disinterest, which of course means this is very important to Joshua. Walls upon walls to try and protect himself from the world, as always.

Sanae gently grabs Joshua's hand.

"I've known you since you were just a kid. I do love you and we're probably the closest thing we'll ever have to 'equals', but it's still different. I can't help it."  
"… 'expand your world', eh?"  
"Uh?"  
"Well, I would never have been enough."

There's a sliver of vulnerability in Joshua's voice and Sanae feels like a monster.

"J… I'm sorry, that's not…"  
"No, no, I get it. You'll be way happier with him anyway. He's such a good person. So much better than I ever was."  
"That's bullshit Josh!"  
"Oh?"

Sanae sighs.

"You're different, the two of you. _Very_ different. That doesn't make one of you _better_ than the other. And I can see that you feel abandoned–"  
"I don't."  
"– but if I had met him first I _still_ would have become friend with _you_. It's not one or the other. I love you _both_."

Joshua laughs, bitter.

"You talk of love an awful lot, for an Angel. You're not supposed to play favorites, remember?"  
"Since when have I followed this specific rule?" Sanae counters.

There's a silence. Then, unexpectedly, Joshua decides to be _open and honest_.

"It's hard, seeing the only two persons I'm close to becoming so much closer to _each other_ like that. It feels like I'm losing both of you at once."  
"Except you're not losing us. We're still here. We're not going anywhere."  
"… I guess you're right. Megumi didn't change a bit in his attitude toward me. Even after all the teasing of the other day."  
"Did _I_ change?"  
"… no. You didn't. You're just… always with _him_."  
"Actually, I'm not. I'm _often_ with him, that's true, but he still has his job and he tends to avoid WildKat when I have customers. And," Sanae adds after a half-second of reflection, "he does sleep sometimes. Probably not enough, but still."

Joshua rolls his eyes.

"He sleeps _on you_. That's way too awkward to chat with you normally."  
"You know what? We should just get into the habit of texting each other instead of randomly dropping by without announcing ourselves."  
"How _mundane_ of you, Sanae."  
"Well, you can go on coming here and finding Megumi using me as a pillow if you prefer."

Joshua makes a face.

"Ugh, no please. I can't deal with someone as formal as Megumi being all cuddly."  
"Cuddles. How traumatic."  
"Shush."

Joshua picks up Sanae's sketchpad and begins leafing through it.

"Well? Are you going to make me a coffee or am I going to need to call the manager?"

Relief washes over Sanae. Things are probably still going to be rocky for a while, but they're getting there. All is going to be alright.


	5. Chapter 5

For a few weeks, Joshua actively avoids meeting Sanae and Megumi at the same time. Then he decides that pushing Megumi's buttons could actually be fun and all hell breaks loose. Sanae is torn between amusement and pity for Megumi, who takes to hiding in Sanae's bedroom (Joshua apparently decided that room was off-limits, which is a blessing for everyone).

Then, to everyone's surprise, Megumi… well, for him it probably counts as "snapping". He comes out of the bedroom in search for coffee, finds that Joshua is here and just sits down without acknowledging him, which is already weird. Sanae gives him a full cup, wondering if he's still half-asleep and didn't notice Joshua.

"Stop hoarding the sugar," Megumi says.

No "please", no "Sir", no… nothing. Shocked into silence, Joshua gives him the sugar pot.

"Thanks."

Joshua and Sanae just stare while Megumi add sugar to his coffee and starts drinking.

"What?" he asks when he finally notices.  
"My, Megumi, congratulations!" Joshua grins. "I have to admit I'm impressed, I didn't think you had it in you!"

Megumi throws him a decidedly unimpressed look. Sanae feels the urge to get popcorn.

"You're even glaring at me!" Joshua goes on. "I'm so proud."  
"You can certainly be, with all the effort you put into deserving it," Megumi answers without missing a beat.

And with that, he gets back to his coffee as if it was nothing out of the ordinary. Joshua gapes.

When he leaves ten minutes later, he still looks a bit dazed. Honestly, Sanae feels the same way. Megumi looks at Sanae and his expression morphs into amusement.

"You look as if I turned your coffee into apple juice," he comments.  
"I… what…"  
"Sentences, Sanae."

Sanae dissolves into hysterical giggles and needs to sit down to avoid falling over.

"That was _magical_ ," he eventually manages. "But what happened? Yesterday you were still a stammering mess each time Josh teased you and now _this_?"

Megumi shrugs.

"Well, He obviously wanted me to react. I just gave Him what He wanted."  
"You… you're _incredible_."  
"Is that a compliment?"  
"It is, yeah."  
"Thank you, then."

Sanae can only smile at him.

It's not _perfect_ from there of course, but it's a start. Joshua can pretend all he wants to be disgruntled by how utterly _unflappable_ Megumi now is (and seriously, it's only his fault for pushing him anyway), Sanae knows that he's pleased they can now have less stilted conversations. Yes, Sanae still have bad days, and Megumi still cannot sleep sometimes, but they're here for each other and it feels _good_. And when Joshua stumbles upon Megumi lying down, his head on Sanae's lap, checking his emails on his phone, and only get a glance and a "hello" before Megumi's attention is back on his phone, Sanae just _has_ to draw Joshua's face. That mix of utter confusion, indignation and elation is a thing for the ages, truly.

Sanae is perched precariously on top of a ladder, working on a tag with Megumi passing him the colors he needs, when Megumi casually points:

"By the way, you forgot something."

Of course, Sanae starts mentally listing all the things he needs to get his tag done; he's not even halfway when Megumi interrupts him.

"I'm not talking about your art. You promised me something a few weeks ago."

Sanae draws a blank. Panic creeps in his mind, not helping him to pinpoint what he missed. He doesn't want to disappoint Megumi, he–

"Hey, calm down. Breathe. Actually, come down, I shouldn't have brought this up when you're already in a perfect position to fall."

Sanae obeys, grateful when Megumi catches him as soon as he reaches the ground. His traitorous legs don't really want to support him anymore.

"I'm not mad at you Sanae, it's alright," Megumi insists.  
"But I… I don't know what you're talking about…"  
"Well, I forgot too, else I would have said something earlier. Seriously, we're good. Just breathe. Don't think to anything else, just focus on breathing."

Megumi makes him sit down and goes on talking softly. It's so reminiscent of their first encounter that for a few seconds Sanae wonders if he just hallucinated the development of their relationship. But Megumi is not holding him as impersonally as possible, he's pulled him close, half on his lap, and his fingers are buried in Sanae's hair, gently caressing, comforting.

"… sorry," Sanae mumbles.  
"Shh, I said we're good. Feeling better?"  
"Yeah… Just… hold me? Please?"  
"Of course."

Eventually, Sanae has enough control back to ask:

"Megs? What is it I promised you and then forgot?"  
"We were supposed to talk about us maybe living together."

Sanae blinks.

"Oh."  
"Yeah. I'm sorry I frightened you like that, I should have been more direct."  
"I shouldn't have lost it like that…" Sanae weakly protests.  
"It's not your fault." Megumi's voice is soft but firm. "I was not clear and you imagined the worst, it's on me. I'll do my best to avoid talking like that from now on. I don't want to hurt you."  
"… I know. I trust you."

Megumi hugs him a little bit tighter and Sanae melts against him.

"So…" Megumi asks eventually. "Are we going to try it?"  
"Hmm? Living together you mean?"  
"Yes."  
"Let's be real, we basically already do," Sanae points out.  
"True. Still… _deciding_ it is not exactly the same."  
"Yeah, you're right."

There's a silence.

"I want it if you want it," Megumi says.  
"I've been wanting you to feel at home in WildKat from the very start, of course I want it!"

Sanae can feel Megumi smiling against his hair.

"It's official then? We're living together?" Megumi asks.  
"We are," Sanae confirms.  
"Good," Megumi whispers.

Sanae slightly moves, looking for an even more comfortable position. Megumi chuckles.

"You were painting that wall," he reminds Sanae.  
"Yeah but now I don't want to move."  
"Fair."

A few minutes pass.

"Sanae?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Are we telling the Composer?"  
"About our living arrangement?"  
"Yes."  
"Well… We don't _have_ to, I suppose?"  
"We don't have to," Megumi agrees, "but maybe it would be… preferable to tell Him before He just stumbles upon it."  
"Or we could wait and see how indignant he is when he finds out."  
"… honestly I think He'll just make fun of us for taking so much time to make it official."  
"… you probably have a point."

Eventually Megumi manages to coax Sanae to go back to his tag. They decide to keep quiet because Joshua probably thinks they had this discussion weeks ago and he doesn't need more ammunition for endless teasing.


	6. Chapter 6

When Megumi comes back from the pre-Game meeting, he's visibly upset, which is so totally out of character that for a second Sanae doesn't know how to react. He shakes himself out of his surprise fast, though.

"Megs, what's wrong?"  
"It's…"

Megumi shakes his head, sits down heavily on the couch and hides his face in his hands. Sanae hurries to join him and pulls him into a hug. Megumi is radiating tension, which does nothing to reassure Sanae.

"Alright," Megumi eventually says. "There are these two Players for the next Game. They're siblings, the whole family died in a car accident but only the two children could enter the Game."

So far, nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing that could shake Megumi like this. Sanae silently pets him, encouraging him to go on talking.

"The youngest… what's most important to him is the love of his sister. His Entry Fee should be her memories of him… And of course they'll meet in the Game… He just _died_ , he lost his parents, and now he'll have to deal with his sister _not remembering him_? How am I supposed to explain this to him?"  
"That's not the first time a similar occurrence happened, though?" Sanae asks, confused.  
"He's _five_ Sanae! Just _five_! Of course it's _awful_ for teenagers too, even for adults, but at least they can _understand_ it! And the Composer just said he would need to learn to live for himself at some point anyway so he was just getting a head start! And _of course_ the Composer is not _wrong_ , He's the Composer, but the kid is _so young_! I… I just…"

Megumi curls up on himself. Sanae holds him tighter.

"It's not your fault," Sanae softly says.  
"I… I know…"

It's almost a sob. That's the first time Sanae sees Megumi being affected by his work like this… or at all, really. But then it's very rare for the Game to have Players that young.

"I'll talk to him," Sanae says. "The kid, I mean."

Megumi looks up at him. His glasses are in his hands and his eyes are decidedly watery.

"What? You… aren't you supposed to… avoid the Game?"  
" _Technically_ I'm supposed to avoid _interfering_. Talking to the Players is not a problem as long as I'm careful."  
"I… I don't want you to put yourself in danger just because I'm not able to handle–"  
"Shh, it's alright. I'm not putting myself in danger. And honestly I would probably have talked to this boy anyway if I saw him."  
"… how is that _not_ interfering?"

Megumi looks torn between hope and worry. Sanae just wants to reassure him.

"Well… Loophole, really. If I don't talk about the Game itself it's, well, fair game. And yeah I'm sure. It's safe. Don't worry about me."

Megumi closes his eyes, lets himself slump back against Sanae and _clings_.

Sanae is not surprised that Joshua doesn't show up that night.

By the time the Game starts, Megumi has himself under control again, of course. Sanae observes from the sidelines, but he doesn't need more than thirty seconds to see the kid Megumi was talking about. It's difficult to overlook him, really. Not only is he the youngest of the bunch by far, but he also started crying as soon as he spotted his sister. The girl (probably around thirteen or fourteen?) is now utterly confused by the boy clinging desperately to her leg.

Sanae carefully hides all the sadness this scene evokes in him behind a front of carefree knowledge and leaves his hiding spot. Time to be a much needed adult.

"Why you don't remember me?" the boy is sobbing.  
"Don't blame her, kid," Sanae intervenes. "Don't blame yourself either. It's nobody's fault, really."

The girl immediately pulls her brother behind her, protective. _Yes,_ Sanae thinks, _this can work._

"Who are you?!" she asks.

Sanae resists the urge to smile. Even without knowing who the boy is, the girl's instinct is to protect him, which is good because let's be real, the boy will never accept another Partner and they need to be able to keep each other's back.

"Name's Sanae Hanekoma, but you can call me mister H. I'm just a concerned observer."  
"What do you want?"  
"Only to tell you two something that I think might help you. So, kiddo, you think you know her, right?"  
"Of course I know her! She's my sister!"  
"And you, you don't think you know him."  
"I… never met him before."  
"Everyone has to give up something to play the Game. It can be anything, including changing your memories. So maybe one of you remembers better than the other, or maybe not, but what's important right now is to work together. Win this Game and you'll get the truth back. For now, you need to trust each other."

There's a silence.

"You mean she's not my sister…?"  
"Right now, for you, she is. Your feelings are real. It doesn't matter where they come from."

He's talking to the boy, but he hopes the girl catches his meaning. She's the one who's going to need to recalibrate the most for this, because the boy won't be able to.

She looks at Sanae, visibly braces herself, then turns to the boy.

"OK. Until we get our truth back, I'll be your sister. But you'll need to help me too, because I don't remember anything about you, so please talk to me alright? Don't be upset if I say something weird."  
"That's the spirit," Sanae says.

These two have so much potential. He dearly hopes his little push will allow them to shine through the Game.

The girl looks at the boy who's now gripping her shorts, then faces Sanae.

"… thanks. I think."  
"You're welcome. Now go get them, you two. You can do this."

When the two kids leave, Sanae receives an email. 

_Thank you. -M_

He smiles.

"You're welcome Megs," he whispers.

At the end of the week, the siblings win the Game.


	7. Chapter 7

"So," Joshua asks," when's your anniversary?"  
"Our… anniversary?" Sanae repeats, confused.

Joshua rolls his eyes.

"The day you two got together, or whatever you call it. Your anniversary. Did you lose your usage of words now Sanae?"

Sanae exchanges a perplexed look with Megumi.

"We didn't exactly… keep track," Sanae admits.  
"And it's not like our relationship changed from one day to the next. It's been gradual."

Joshua grumbles something that sounds suspiciously like "you two are _useless_ " and disappears, leaving them utterly confused.

"Does that mean… that he supports us?" Megumi hazards.  
"My guess is as good as yours at this point, but I think you may be right."

They ponder it for a while.

"I'm glad," Megumi finally says, smiling.

Sanae can only agree. Joshua has been _used_ to how they interact for a while now, but this sounds more like an official show of support, or as much as Joshua can give with his habit of twisting words around him. Which means he feels welcomed again. Which is… good.

More than ever, it feels like a wonderful world.


End file.
